A pennys worth of thoughts

We all look for it. That love that consumes us as much as we want it to, it’s as breathtaking as we expect it to be, as memorable as we always wished it’d be, and most importantly – worth it. Whether we’re waiting for it or it’s currently in our grasp. Either way at some point or another we were or are in pursuit of it. We’re brought up to assume it’s going to take the form of someone of the opposite sex. I personally blame Disney and just about every disastrous movie that exits Hollywood. But it is what it is.  Yes, as a girl I am waiting for that “prince charming” that every fairytale told me I needed to wait for. So, okay Disney, I’m waiting..and waiting…and waiting..and, honestly, how much longer do I have to wait?

When the waiting gets dull and boring as if to be watching paint dry on a wall, that’s when the questioning begins. They are quite silly questions, mind you, but regardless they find their comfortable and most familiar spot in our lives and then decide to linger for a while. How kind of them. If you are unfamiliar with what sort of questions I’m talking about then, first of all, please tell me what rock you’ve been living under that has sheltered you from these most crippling questions.  Secondly, let’s revisit for a moment as to what these questions are. They go something like this “what’s wrong with me? Why am I having to wait longer than that person who just got engaged – they’re ridiculous and yet they’re about to be married” I think you get the idea.  But these questions, doubts, rather, are debilitating at the least and if given less than 5 minutes to dwell on such questions before you know it we’ve decided we’re just about as pointless as they come and merely a waste of oxygen on this earth.  Is this necessary? Not in the slightest.

This brings me to my most recent question - as a Christian I have that exact kind of love. So why is it the hardest one to give myself over to? Strange concept but nonetheless it’s settled in my mind and prompts me to dwell on it for a moment.  I’m not intending to be creepy as some people who make some public proclamation that “Jesus is my boyfriend” – no. I am not that ridiculous with it. But in some sense it does pave the way to the point I’m trying to make in so much as when you’re in a relationship you long to be with that other person. In the same sense, God wants that with me. I find it strange that the one person who desires to be close to me, to care for me, is the one I so willingly push away. Somehow I got it in my mind that if I can’t see/feel/touch/smell him – that he should then mean nothing to me and just be a mirage.  However in the past He’s always reminded me that if I give everything over to him that He will fulfill the desires of my heart (i.e. my “prince charming”) Simple concept, no?  In my life this has been proven to be true time and time again. The more I devote myself to Him, the happier my life becomes and the more things fall into place. Sometimes it’s exactly how I’d hoped it would be and other times it’s surprisingly, yet perfectly, different from any expectation.  And in that I earnestly strive to find contentment and peace because its always worth it in the end - and that’s all we’re really striving for, right? Something, or maybe even someone, worth living for.