As of recent I purchased a new book that I've thoroughly enjoyed reading these past few days.
Reading, for me, has always been a joyous activity. Especially when you find a book that you can't put down because it's too good.
This current book I find myself reading has not only challenged me in many unexpected ways but it has also revealed certain things about me that were quite hard to comprehend at first (meaning my pride wouldn't allow such a thing to occur. Me? Being wrong? Im.Possible.)
Swallowing my pride for a second, and hoping it'll stay down, let me elaborate on these most unfortunate, yet totally God, things this book has taught me so far. You're free to agree with such statements if you see fit, because I assure you they're true.
1) I am a very selfish person
2) I don't have ALL the answers and do EVERYTHING right.
3) I'm not better than everyone else
These three facts are things I've found myself dwelling on for some time now and they've become apart of my every-day thinking. Regretfully, I say this not in a good way but rather I've sought to confirm these thoughts and have allowed them to become cemented into my every-day-life. Phrases such as "I'm so much better than that person because ____" or "They're doing that wrong. Am I the only person who can do anything the right way?" As I type these I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt and shame come over me. But here's where it gets good.
While I'm wrapped up in the "religion of Kait" - God comes to me and informs me that I serve Him, not myself. He reassures me that, yes, He did save me - but He has saved, and will continue to save, a lot of other people, too, and that I'm not to look at myself more highly than they. Because, like them, I'm very much a sinner. I make mistakes on an hourly basis. I needed to be rescued from my very own self daily because I'm so prone to fall into a pattern of selfishness.
Basically I don't have life figured out. I have my way of doing things and thinking, sure, but that doesn't make it THE only way to do something. I've been so wrapped up in myself and my selfishness that I've missed so many opportunities to show Gods love towards people who probably needed it. My heart is grieving at this realization. More importantly, I've grieved God.
Fact of the matter is - I am not perfect. I am not God.
There is only One who is and I can assure you there will never be another. (Exodus 20:1-6)
That's why He's God. I am to love the Lord my God with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength (Luke 10:27)- not love myself with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. No, thanks.
Lastly, this book has revealed to me that I've been failing pretty miserably at my friendships/close relationships these days. Because of those three things listed above, I stopped being a friend to those around me. The second I allowed my eyes to turn inward, that's the moment I stopped caring for those around me.
Ouch.
Isaiah 66:2 "Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?"
declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and
contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." God is saying He will bless those who are humble, show remorse for their wrongs, and Fear the Lord.
That sounds like a MUCH better place to be than Prideful, feeling I'm better than everyone, and loving myself too much. Right? Right.
Starting Right Now: I'm going to take my eyes off myself and fix them heavenward. I'm going to work to be grateful for the moments He gives me here on this earth and the opportunities to meet new people with hopes to further advance His kingdom. I'm going to start treasuring the relationships I currently have, be it with family, my co-workers, school-friends, housemates, wherever. These people are truly gifts from God and I'd never want to take for granted their place in my life and how much they each mean to me.
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