Happiness throws a shower of sparks

Happiness.

Bottom line - its a choice.  Just like love. Sometimes you have to choose to love someone even when they are giving you every reason to just stop loving them. Happiness is some what the same. You have to choose to be happy even when everything in your life tells you not to be. It's a choice. And it's your choice.

Therefore, if you're an unhappy person, 99% of you being miserable is because you choose to remain that way. Sometimes, you have to narrow it down, maybe even dumb it down, for yourself.  Find happiness in the little things because if you only set your sights on the big things you're only going to be let down. Going through life happily is much easier than being miserable all the time.

Life is short, so love the ones you're with, enjoy the things you have, and never stop being thankful for where you are because it could be MUCH worse. I know that's a hokey and overused, but it's a true statement. Sure, I've had moments in my life where it's been really hard, times where I didn't think it could get much worse, and yes, I have reached points where I've thought about prematurely ending my life. But the second I got to that point I thought to myself - what's the point of doing that? Why end this life that's a gift from God just because I'm having a tough couple of days/months? Perspective.

So, take it from one who has tried to live this life as though everything is always going to be easy, happy, love-filled, and a dream come true. It's not always like that. There are going to be hard times but what makes the difference is what you do in the midst of those hard times. Because there are still beautiful things in this world that seems greatly filled with darkness and sin. There are still things that have yet to be seen, experienced, witnessed - things that go far beyond any expectation.

"The morning finds me here at heaven's door
A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God Himself is seated on
And I, I've been invited as a son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ..

Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations"


Never be afraid, or too stiff-necked, to realize your need for help. Your need for help. For rescue. God is with you always, and is always working in you, and around you. He is the best foundation to build upon - the strength that comes from God is unlike any other and it cannot be obtained from worldly things. It comes from Him, but only when we surrender ourselves to Him.

 

And don't take life so seriously that you forget to laugh or smile. :) Surround yourself with good people and enjoy the life you've been given! You never know how contagious your happiness can be - because happiness throws a shower of sparks, someone is bound to be touched by it.

He changed my life

"Deny myself? Are you serious? I love myself way too much to deny myself something just so someone else can be happy. What's the point? Why bother? 

Most of the time people don't notice when I do something for them. Why should I do something for them if I'm not even going to be recognized for it? It's just easier to make myself happy and not care about anything or anyone else. People are ungrateful and selfish - so I'm just going to join in with them because it's easier"

This is a conversation that took place between me, myself, and I way back when. This is where my mind was. I was happy, I was content. All was well and my world was fine because it was all about me. I knew nothing of "sin", I never considered life outside of myself. Even though I grew up in a Christian home and was aware of the "christian lingo", I didn't truly understand what it meant to be "saved" or a "Christian" or to live what was considered to be a holy and God-honoring life. 

It wasn't until that wonderful day, I believe it was back in 2006, the "unlike any other" day, did I realize what these once meaningless terms meant as they began to encompass my mind and transform my thinking.

God became so real to me that night, in a way He never had before. I came to realize that because of my "all about me" lifestyle that I was basically signing up for a 1-way ticket to Hell. Eternal separation from God. This scared me so greatly. I was so afraid of being separated from God forever and the only thing that was separating me from God was me. If I had randomly died that night there in 2006, God would have looked at me and said "depart from Me, I never knew you" and I would then be hell-bound. Forever separated from God. It gives me chills now just thinking about it.

I knew about Christs death on the cross and sort of what it meant but it didn't really affect me, I knew the Christian-lingo, and some verses in the Bible. I thought I was a "good person" because "well, at least I'm not doing ______." I learned quickly that that is NOT what being a Christian means, that's not what being "Born-Again" means.

After coming to terms with that I was then informed that Christ died for me and my sins (my selfishness, hatred, anger, laziness, ect). Laid upon Christs shoulders was the wrath of God, His holy and righteous wrath, for the sins of all man-kind. So not just MY sins (past-present-future), but the sins of the WORLD (past-present-future). Can you imagine that? But further more this wrath, the wrath of God, was intended for me. It should have been for ME. But instead Christ stood in my place so that I wouldn't have to suffer God's wrath. There is no way I could have earned this salvation on my own. My so-called "good deeds" would not get me into heaven. Christs death on the cross is the ONLY way anyone can get into heaven. Without that, we were all destined for hell. But God Loved us enough to say "no, I want them to spend eternity with me instead" so He sent Christ as a way to make that possible. Only through Him, and because of Him, can we truly be saved.

But eternity with Christ came only when I realized my need for Savior. It's not this "free-bee", meaning I "accept" Christ but continue living my worldly and selfish life, it means that God wanted something in return - He wanted me (my heart, my mind, my soul). At first this was a weird concept for me, but now it makes complete and total sense. There is/was SO much more to life than just living for myself and it finally hit me that night. So that night I laid down my life, I decided that I no longer wanted to live for myself, I decided that I didn't want to go to Hell by continuing my selfish life, I realized that I could never earn my own salvation but that I needed Christ, I needed to be rescued from my very own self. I needed to forfeit my heart, mind, soul, everything to God, and I wanted to. The more out of my hands those things were, the better off I'd be. I wanted Christ. He died for me, so I wanted to live for Him. So that night I gave my life to Christ. I said "goodbye" to my old life and started a new life with Him.

Suddenly it was like this fire erupted inside of me. Everything changed and I felt a change. Now my life had meaning, my life had purpose, and it wasn't all about me! God began to show me that it was far more beneficial to myself, and others, if I were to begin replacing pride with humility, selfishness with serving others, "would this make me happy" to "would this please God" and lots of other things! Talk about a transformation..

Now - Does this mean I'm perfect? Far from it. Am I going to fail sometimes? You bet and often. But no matter how many times I fail nothing will ever cause me to want to go back to the life I lived before I came to know Christ as my Savior.

Why? Because He saved my life. He CHANGED my life. And because He's worth it. :)

"Because of Christ:
 

I’m a Sinner saved by Grace
My sin, past-present-future, has been erased
I am accepted by Him in every possible way
I find comfort in His embrace
I learn to walk not by sight, but by faith
I know His unending love will never change
I trust His will for my life even when He gives and He takes
I have a firm foundation that is impossible to shake
And by His sacrifice, everyone can be saved"

Ephesians 2:8, Romans 15:7, Psalms 9:9, 2 Corinthians 5:7, James 1:17, Job 1:21, Matthew 7:25-26, 1 Timothy 2:3-4, Isaiah 53:5,

My 2AM rant

Fear is crippling.

World wide known fact.

It has many faces, too. Fear of man. Fear of failure. Fear of confrontation. Fear of ____. You fill in the blanks.

We are all afraid of something. Some of us too proud to admit it to ourselves and some of us are so lost in our fear that there doesn't seem to be a way out.

I'm afraid of rejection.

Nothing cripples me more than momentary acceptance only to be brutally transitioned to seemingly instant and immediate rejection.

Whether it has to do with my work environment or conversations had among friends, my living situation, family, what have you.

I'm seeing now, more than ever, the difference between what the WORLD expects and what GOD expects of me. I want so badly to be accepted, not rejected, by this world but it seems as though I must compromise what God thinks of me in order to gain acceptance from the world.

Worth it?

No.

A dear friend reminded me in conversation that the one thing, the ONE thing, I have to hold on to that no one can take from me, or change, is my faith.

No one can ever change the relationship I have with God. Nothing he, she, you, or anyone says can ever change who I am in God's sight. And it's with tear-filled eyes that I sit here no longer beating myself up, both mentally and physically, because I can't measure up to what you want me to be - and I'm ready to be done trying. Your opinion means nothing compared to God's

So where I once felt it necessary to try and make you happy, I see now that it is utterly useless because no matter what I do, what I say, what I wear, how I look, how I act - you'll never accept me as much a God does. And the best part of it is?

God. Doesn't. Care. About. Outward. Appearance.

He looks at my heart. He looks at the innermost parts of me and judges me based off that. So the parts of me that you fail to see because you're so concerned with everything that's on the outside - that's all that God sees.

No pressure.

The World says (friends, coworkers, strangers, family, ect)

"You are not pretty enough"
"You need to be skinnier"
"Want my acceptance? Look, act, speak, think, be, how I want you to" 
"You are not good enough for me"
"You are wrong"
"You are worthless"
"I don't love you" 

God says 

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." - 1 Peter 3:3-4

"Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” - 1 Samuel 16:7

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:10 

"Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:39

Point is - I'd much rather stand out and be loved by God only as opposed to basically killing myself just trying to fit in to your world but have nothing to show for it in the end.

And all of a sudden.. My grip on you became a little less tight.. 
   
~Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will"~

Then and Now

"I had you
Now I've lost you
I knew you
Now I've forgotten you
I looked up to you
Now I look down on you
You were closer than any other
Now you're just a stranger
I loved to be around you
Now it's hard to even be near you
I loved who you were
Now I hate who you've become" 

I think that covers how I'm feeling.

Note to self: 

2) Keep a good poker face and hold your tongue - especially when people give you reason to do the opposite..

3) Trust only a few people with the important stuff.  

"Experience: That most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn" - C.S. Lewis.