News Flash: Marriageable men no longer exist! (Or at least it sure seems that way...)
And I'm feeling like I'm the last to receive the memo...
Now a days, more than ever, it feels as though all men see are the appearances of a woman. Wish I had known sooner so I'd have stopped wasting time working on my character, morals, and values! ;)
But seriously! Where have they all gone? Did they flock (flee) to some remote island and are just sitting there having a grand 'ole time chillen completely ignorant of all that's around? Probably. Dang - that sounds nice right about now.
I'd love to just flee from this place and go somewhere where everything isn't so upside down. I feel like a right-side up girl walking around in an upside down world. Or maybe I'm the upside down person in a right-side up world. Who knows but I'm starting to get a headache from it all.
You know I don't have modeling agencies banging down my door begging me to come work for them because of my "stunning good looks", I'm not being cast as a lead in a movie because of my "face fit for the big-screens", and you certainly don't see this face on the cover of magazines with the title "winner of the hottest woman on earth" (only celebrities win that anyway...)
What do we simple non-celebrity people have like that? I'll tell you I'm not overly fond of learning about my unattractiveness or attractiveness from a by-stander who typically ends up being single, in his 40's, and desperate for some T.L.C. Nope. No thanks. Walking away now..
So, no, I don't count myself among the models. I'm not the girl who turns the heads of every guy I see. I don't have guys lined up at my door just dying for a chance to be with me (as if that really happens anyway. Join me in my hatred for Hollywood). I don't consider myself to be "hot" or dare I say "sexy" (just writing that made me cringe), I don't wear provocative clothing to gain attention (Um, gross), and I'm definitely not the "go-to" girl for hair or fashion tips ("Yes, I'm currently sporting what's known as the 'troll-doll' look. It's so in right now") - and yet it seems as though these are the standards I'm to live up to in order to be considered.. Ouch.
Can I just stick my head in the sand and wish it all away? Well, I could. But it wouldn't fix a thing. So here I sit examining who I am, what I am, how I am, and the like. More times than none I end up agreeing with myself that at best I meet the bar for "average". (*applause)
This is what it's come to, though, and I declare that it's gotten out of hand. I'm shattered when I'm looked over because someone who is, by the worlds standards, prettier than me comes into view. And I fear that's going to be the continued pattern for quite some time.
Therefore I ask - where have all the good guys gone? And where has chivalry gone? Believe it or not there are some people who still know and live out that word and it's meaning:
Chivalry: "the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms."
Where are the men who fear and love God and aren't ashamed to show it? Where are the men who would go far and beyond for a woman of good character and there was a mystery about her that was so captivating to them? Where is the man I prayed about all those younger years and even to this day? Sure I can go all Justin Bieber with "I just need somebody to love" - but that's getting a bit desperate, no? I just want someone to restore my faith in the male specie in its entirety!
(Note: I'm not hating on ALL men because I really know some amazing, strong, good Godly men. I was raised by one of them. :) Their existence alone gives me hope that there are some good ones still out there.)
Now perhaps I'm getting to carried away, I don't know. I'm quite passionate about this topic. And don't think I haven't viewed this particular topic through the lens of my faith, what I believe to be true, and the like. I still hold tightly to my relationship with Christ and haven't allowed such things to discourage me in my walk with Him. If anything it's been strengthened through this time. I'll assure you that the verse in 1 Peter 3 is very close to my heart these days - "But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. "
But I also cant ignore the fact that lately I've been feeling so much pressure to fit in and such an urgency to just be thought of as "cool" (for lack of a better word) by someone I deem to be attractive. I can just hear my conscience screaming: "Aim higher, Kait. Aim higher..." Because would any of those titles or compliments truly satisfy? No. Because it's always changing. Always. But what remains the same? The inner beauty of a person. Sure I can try to fit in on the outside and just ignore everything I've ever been taught about the value of someone's heart, character, morals, values, basically all that encompasses "self-worth" ect, but while I'm out there trying to fit in my insides are just exploding in disgust.
Maybe I'm not meant for marriage. Maybe it's best I refrain from even searching anymore because the results are disheartening. So people will go through life having no real commitment to anyone but instead just spend their lives enjoying themselves.
You all have fun with that. As far as I'm concerned "I've washed my hands of this weirdness."
Man, I totally hear you and understand. So many nights I was Renee Zelwegger singing "All by myself" at the top of my lungs. And then God did an amazing thing. He showed me that I was being selfish, inwardly focused, and living in a me,me world. I had lost focus on why I was here in the first place. I was living for Catherine, not living for God. So my prayer switched from "please bring the man that I desire" to "please bring a man that will help me fulfill Your purpose for me - and if there is no such man, show my your purpose for me anyway". A big verse that changed that prayer was Isaiah 46:10-11 " Declaring the end from the begining saying, My purpose will be established and I will accomplish all My good Pleasure. Calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of My Purpose from a far country. Truly I have spoken; truly I will bring it to pass. I have planned it; surely I will do it"
ReplyDeleteTake heart my dear. God, as our Heavenly Father, knows what we need and when we need it. More times than not, it happens when you least expect it ;) though I'm sure you've heard that a lot, as I did. I though people were full of crap - but it does happen ;)