Transparency

Of which, I'm learning, I. Am. Not.

God has been showing me just how many walls I have put up to simply try and block everything out. Block out negativity, block out pain, block out nonsense, block out everything - but it cannot block out Christ and with Christ comes all of the above. Because it is apart of life and I do believe He can use such things to grow you and teach you.

Now, I've never tried to apply the term "transparency" to my life but it is something that has come to mind at random throughout my days as of late. Basically I get the sense that I need to become more open. More humble. More willing.

In place of those mentioned above have been laziness, self-righteousness, and contentment.

Basically I've grown comfortable being comfortable.

Yikes.

All the while God has 100% been after me and pursuing me and calling me back. To that I say how wonderful is His love that He still calls us back even when we've wandered off the beaten path. Such grace.

And it's that type of grace I wish I could.. nay... I want to and will...begin applying to my life again. It isn't always easy for me to show grace, kindness and generosity. Basically living out the fruits of the spirit. It is far easier to sit back in my laziness and point fingers at the world for everything it is doing wrong. At the core of that is just someone, ME, who is driven by fear of actually pointing the finger at myself, doing some much needed internal examination, and fixing what is clearly broken inside.

So maybe my remedy is trying to be more transparent. Maybe the start of it is writing again, writing such things as this. Maybe it is getting back into old habits that have a history of being beneficial (i.e. reading more, sharing my life with others, being open about struggles, sins, etc). Maybe it is something entirely different but I am willing to make the change.

And this is Day 1