Noise

*dink, dink, dink, dink* goes the blinking line on this empty word document. This document… this open, blank, welcoming and appealing document. As it sits here in silence taunting me with its unchanging blankness I stare emotionless at it wondering if something will come to mind. All the while the only things on my mind are my own meaningless thoughts.

“That darn Kenny Chesney song is stuck in my head again..” 

        “this fan is really loud”              “I think I’m experiencing indigestion”      

      ".. the skies too blue… beer’s too cold to be thinking about you… gonna take this heart break, and tuck it away, save it for a rainy day”  

“My sunburn itches”        “skin makes  a weird sound when you itch it”       
                            
               “I wish I had washed those pants..  I’ll have to wait till next laundry day..”

“ my back hurts..”             “Why am I sitting here talking to myself?”

      “do I really sound like that?”          “ I’m so tired and its only 9:00pm”     

                 “Oh my gosh, you’re going to sound so stupid writing this”

 

All of this and more is apart of the never ending loop of thoughts and nonsense that crowds my mind on a minute-to-minute basis. It is always changing, but sometimes the same.   At the end of the day it amounts to just noise.

When did my life become so noisy?  I used to be, and feel, so centered and grounded. So in control of things, and my feelings, and my emotions, and my thoughts – I miss those days.  I would thrive on the silence and utilize the time to regroup, recenter, refocus.  But now it is just all crowded noise that does not stop.
 

When did this passion for writing go away?  Where did those Jesus moments I used to experience on the daily run off to? 

I think it got lost in the noise..

I think it got lost in the chaos of life that takes control and steers the attention away from what is calming and instead says “hey, look at this cluster of noise”

It is exhausting and draining to just listen to it all and be a contributing factor to it.

So maybe that is where to start. Eliminating the noise. Resolving internal issues. And getting back on track to what matters here and now instead of getting slapped around by endless amounts of inaudible noise. 

Here we go!

Refocusing ---

Here is what I think Jesus is saying to me through all of this junk, aside from “time to invest in some noise-cancelling headphones…or ear plugs… maybe try a pillow”, it is that sin and all that comes with it, can disguise itself in noise.

What I mean by this is that if you get sucked into the noise (people talks, tv shows, work life, home life, life life, love life, relationships, home-improvements, laundry, screaming children, screaming children in a dental practice, angry parents, managing, phone ringing, text messaging, snap chatting, twitter-ing-ing.., screaming, crying,  laughing, talking, running, jamming, driving, traffic, stoplights, road rage, eating, dieting, cooking, cleaning, politic-ing, facebooking, chatting..) you can sometimes be so consumed by it that you could also be missing out on some key Jesus-convos.

And lately, I have not been hearing Him at all.

Now, this does not mean He’s stopped communicating.  It just means I have stopped listening.

Why?

It. Is so. Noisy..

So maybe it is time to turn down, unplug, take the batteries out of, turn off, throw out, get rid of… the noise. Could be something as easy as re-opening lines of communication – something I could really use right about now. Or maybe it will take a lot of self-examination as to how I let it get this bad, this noisy, and then rebuilding from there.  Either way it is time for less noise, more Jesus.  

Less noise, more Jesus.