It was quiet there
Dark and Hollow
Remnants of Happiness
Left no trails to Follow
Motionless Insides
Difficult to bear
Till somewhere within
Your voice did I hear
Consuming and Familiar
Clear and Unmistakable
You asserted yourself
Strong, Kind, Reliable.
Glowing I became
For all to See
My Searching had ceased
When Love Found me
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Buckets, Buckets, and More Buckets..
I'm back!
I wasn't really gone, I suppose, but I wasn't particularly struck by any of life's events in these past few weeks/months to feel inspired to conjure up a post about such things.
Until.
Last night.
Was in Texas visiting a dear friend and she informed me we would be going to this Saturday night worship service. I must admit that my first reaction to such news was nothing to be proud of. I was hesitant and went begrudgingly at first. When I got there, however, I felt something in me that said "prepare yourself - I'm about to do something great." I responded "Okay, God"
Worship starts.
Songs are good. Songs got better. Hello full on Jesus worship!
It was in that moment of complete and total worship for Christ that I felt this feeling inside me almost telling me "You let this become familiar to you.. You let this feeling, what you feel now, become something of the past - something you haven't willfully experienced in quite some time"
Conviction starts.
Worship stops.
Message begins.
Genesis. He's going to be speaking from Genesis, my critiquing mind wandered to. What good could possibly come from this, I asked myself.
God said - "Just wait.."
Pastor starts speaking. Its good. He produces many laughs with his clever witticisms. Then it got better. WAY better.
The pastor begins speaking, in detail, what becomes of us when we take our focus off of God being our main source of everything we could ever need (joy, self-worth, love, peace, ect).
He laid out the concept of us diving into 4 different "buckets" when we take our eyes off God. And this is also where God started poking at my heart and saying "This is for you"
1) We pull from the bucket of self. We become our own God, basically. And as the pastor said "We make TERRIBLE Gods." Yet we puff ourselves up and begin to find our worth in our own personal accomplishments. We think we're all that. Super important. Worthy of praise and worship for all we do. We look ahead and think "when I have this, when I look like this, when I am this - then and only then will I be happy". He said something to the effect of "If you're unhappy with yourself as you are RIGHT NOW then you are going to be equally as unhappy with yourself in the FUTURE." Woah! That is so true!
So I can kill myself at the gym trying to get that "hot body" but chances are when I reach that goal I'm still going to convince myself that more can be done. I can get that super nice car/truck I've always been wanting but once it's in my possession I am always going to want more. When I reach that goal I set FOR MYSELF, no matter what it is, once its reached I'm always going to want more. So basically -- you're setting yourself up to NEVER BE SATISFIED. What does satisfy? God.
*BOOM.
2) We pull from the bucket of other people. We begin to find our worth based on what other people say of us. Based on what other people can give to us. Based on how other people make us feel. Based on what THEY can do for US. We being to set up these expectations for people, very selfish ones, mind you, and then when those people don't deliver our world is shattered. So then we look to the next person, set up expectations for them, they fail, we're equally as shattered. It's a never ending cycle.
The pastor tied another point, that of finding your "soul-mate", to his marriage. He debunked the lie of "The one" when he said "I knew she was the one for me WHEN I MARRIED HER" There was no gut feeling, no sort of sign from above. He even said something like "I could have married someone else and still had a God glorifying marriage" Truth is there is no such thing as "The One." But we set ourselves up to find such a love like that that we nearly lose ourselves in the process. Not one person on this earth is going to make you nearly as WHOLE and COMPLETE as Christ does. Who satisfies such a need? God
3) We pull from the bucket of possessions. By this he meant we look for things, worldly possessions, money to fill the emptiness we feel. If I have more stuff, I'll be happier. If I have nicer things, I'll be happier. If I'm more important or higher up or whatever else to fill in those blanks, then surely I'll be happier.
Doesn't matter. You'll never be fully satisfied - you'll always need more.
He mentioned another one ("bucket") but regretfully my memory does not serve me well and I cannot seem to recall the final one.
Throughout that whole message, though, God revealed to me every thing and ever person I was putting in place of him. It was so gut wrenching and convicting and hurt like nothing else. Why? Because I let it happen.
I put so many things in the place of God and I did it because those "things" were the "right here, right now, in the flesh" things and that's what my heart was craving and that's what my heart found contentment in.
I set unreachable standards for those around me and just as was expected they let me down. Unintentionally, mind you, but we're only human and incapable of true perfection in both word and deed. People are going to let you down. People are going to hurt you. Fact of life, folks. But who won't do that? God.
Because, you see, God Is Love, He is gracious, He is kind, He is PERFECT in everything that He does. He is the only one who can give you any and everything you could ever dream of and sometimes, because He is as awesome as he is, he gives you things that far surpass any hope or dream you could have set for yourself. What He does for you will far surpass any goal you've set up for yourself. Any person you've put on that pedestal. Any worldly possession you're just dying to have.
He is the greatest thing you could ever put your time, money, and everything you are into. And He is worth it.
Another quick fact the pastor brought up is that God has no regrets. He will never regret saving you. He will never regret calling you his own. He will never regret anything he ever did, or does, for you.
That blew my mind.
As a mere human I am full of regrets and I have no doubts people have regretted things about me. But God? He will never regret anything in regards to you. In regards to me.
*KAPOW!
Mind continuously blown.
I'll end on this. Do I still have the desires and wants I walked in with that night at church? Sure do. I reckon such things will not cease to exist in my mind. However, were they put into perspective when held against the backdrop of Christ and who He is and what He is to me? You bet your bottom dollar it did!
Perspective. It's a lovely thing, is it not?
I wasn't really gone, I suppose, but I wasn't particularly struck by any of life's events in these past few weeks/months to feel inspired to conjure up a post about such things.
Until.
Last night.
Was in Texas visiting a dear friend and she informed me we would be going to this Saturday night worship service. I must admit that my first reaction to such news was nothing to be proud of. I was hesitant and went begrudgingly at first. When I got there, however, I felt something in me that said "prepare yourself - I'm about to do something great." I responded "Okay, God"
Worship starts.
Songs are good. Songs got better. Hello full on Jesus worship!
It was in that moment of complete and total worship for Christ that I felt this feeling inside me almost telling me "You let this become familiar to you.. You let this feeling, what you feel now, become something of the past - something you haven't willfully experienced in quite some time"
Conviction starts.
Worship stops.
Message begins.
Genesis. He's going to be speaking from Genesis, my critiquing mind wandered to. What good could possibly come from this, I asked myself.
God said - "Just wait.."
Pastor starts speaking. Its good. He produces many laughs with his clever witticisms. Then it got better. WAY better.
The pastor begins speaking, in detail, what becomes of us when we take our focus off of God being our main source of everything we could ever need (joy, self-worth, love, peace, ect).
He laid out the concept of us diving into 4 different "buckets" when we take our eyes off God. And this is also where God started poking at my heart and saying "This is for you"
1) We pull from the bucket of self. We become our own God, basically. And as the pastor said "We make TERRIBLE Gods." Yet we puff ourselves up and begin to find our worth in our own personal accomplishments. We think we're all that. Super important. Worthy of praise and worship for all we do. We look ahead and think "when I have this, when I look like this, when I am this - then and only then will I be happy". He said something to the effect of "If you're unhappy with yourself as you are RIGHT NOW then you are going to be equally as unhappy with yourself in the FUTURE." Woah! That is so true!
So I can kill myself at the gym trying to get that "hot body" but chances are when I reach that goal I'm still going to convince myself that more can be done. I can get that super nice car/truck I've always been wanting but once it's in my possession I am always going to want more. When I reach that goal I set FOR MYSELF, no matter what it is, once its reached I'm always going to want more. So basically -- you're setting yourself up to NEVER BE SATISFIED. What does satisfy? God.
*BOOM.
2) We pull from the bucket of other people. We begin to find our worth based on what other people say of us. Based on what other people can give to us. Based on how other people make us feel. Based on what THEY can do for US. We being to set up these expectations for people, very selfish ones, mind you, and then when those people don't deliver our world is shattered. So then we look to the next person, set up expectations for them, they fail, we're equally as shattered. It's a never ending cycle.
The pastor tied another point, that of finding your "soul-mate", to his marriage. He debunked the lie of "The one" when he said "I knew she was the one for me WHEN I MARRIED HER" There was no gut feeling, no sort of sign from above. He even said something like "I could have married someone else and still had a God glorifying marriage" Truth is there is no such thing as "The One." But we set ourselves up to find such a love like that that we nearly lose ourselves in the process. Not one person on this earth is going to make you nearly as WHOLE and COMPLETE as Christ does. Who satisfies such a need? God
3) We pull from the bucket of possessions. By this he meant we look for things, worldly possessions, money to fill the emptiness we feel. If I have more stuff, I'll be happier. If I have nicer things, I'll be happier. If I'm more important or higher up or whatever else to fill in those blanks, then surely I'll be happier.
Doesn't matter. You'll never be fully satisfied - you'll always need more.
He mentioned another one ("bucket") but regretfully my memory does not serve me well and I cannot seem to recall the final one.
Throughout that whole message, though, God revealed to me every thing and ever person I was putting in place of him. It was so gut wrenching and convicting and hurt like nothing else. Why? Because I let it happen.
I put so many things in the place of God and I did it because those "things" were the "right here, right now, in the flesh" things and that's what my heart was craving and that's what my heart found contentment in.
I set unreachable standards for those around me and just as was expected they let me down. Unintentionally, mind you, but we're only human and incapable of true perfection in both word and deed. People are going to let you down. People are going to hurt you. Fact of life, folks. But who won't do that? God.
Because, you see, God Is Love, He is gracious, He is kind, He is PERFECT in everything that He does. He is the only one who can give you any and everything you could ever dream of and sometimes, because He is as awesome as he is, he gives you things that far surpass any hope or dream you could have set for yourself. What He does for you will far surpass any goal you've set up for yourself. Any person you've put on that pedestal. Any worldly possession you're just dying to have.
He is the greatest thing you could ever put your time, money, and everything you are into. And He is worth it.
Another quick fact the pastor brought up is that God has no regrets. He will never regret saving you. He will never regret calling you his own. He will never regret anything he ever did, or does, for you.
That blew my mind.
As a mere human I am full of regrets and I have no doubts people have regretted things about me. But God? He will never regret anything in regards to you. In regards to me.
*KAPOW!
Mind continuously blown.
I'll end on this. Do I still have the desires and wants I walked in with that night at church? Sure do. I reckon such things will not cease to exist in my mind. However, were they put into perspective when held against the backdrop of Christ and who He is and what He is to me? You bet your bottom dollar it did!
Perspective. It's a lovely thing, is it not?
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