Consumerism at it's best..
Truth be told I've been struggling quite a bit as the Christmas season vastly approaches and I began feeling this familiar nagging in the pit of my stomach that says "best start saving money and gathering up your holiday list of favorite people. Make sure you get the best gift for everyone!"
I tend to think the older I get the more I feel the buying of gifts aspect of Christmas to be unnecessary. It's not because I don't want to buy the gifts, don't get me wrong, but it's the mind-numbing trekking through shopping malls and partaking in that which everyone else is doing, buying what everyone else is buying, but convincing yourself its "unique" to you and will be much appreciated by the receiver it what I can't stand. I've honestly begun to question it all and have a hard time seeing, this Christmas season, the joy in this particular thing. Perhaps it's the "bah humbug" in me that's preventing this time from being joyous and exciting, or maybe it's common sense? Who knows.
Either way this Christmas I'm mostly just excited to spend it with my whole family (Dad, Mom, Jennifer, Jon, Trent, and Natalie). I come from a family of tradition, so to speak, and Christmas eve/mornings have always been and always will be special in my family. I hold those times very dear to my heart and they matter a whole lot to me, far more than the presents. I realized just how much all of this mattered to me when I was painfully away from it last year. However God still provided in a major way during that Christmas season last year and I got to spend it with very dear friends who are practically family and it was a very memorable and fun time.
Bearing this in mind I have somehow altered my way of thinking this Christmas season. Truthfully I feel if you love someone and want to show you care and how much they mean to you you are constantly trying to prove that every given day. For example, I like to buy my mom flowers at random times. I do this to show her that I was thinking about her, that I love her, and want her to know that. I've basically stopped reserving Christmas, and only Christmas, to purchase things for loved ones and friends to "show how much you mean to me." Truth of the matter is I was only buying something because its simply what you do on Christmas. Is that really what Christmas is all about?
It's been mentioned each Christmas that the true meaning behind this holiday is that we were given the greatest gift of all - a Savior. The day that Jesus Christ was born. Yet this idea, this concept, this truth, seems to have been ripped from Christmas entirely. Did Jesus ever mean for us to borderline sacrifice ourselves, our lives, to stand in line at Walmart with one hand on a plasma screen TV and the other on a PC tablet just in hopes to get the "best price/best gift"? It's madness, is it not?
Perspective, people. Christmas shouldn't be about stressing out over what gift to get someone, where to get the "best deals", or purchasing the "next-best-item." As I said to my dad a few weeks ago if you give it about a year that one most coveted item will be sold in pawn shops for less than half the price it is now. Trends fade, things break, items get lost or become unused. It's about focusing on the ones you have who love you, and whom you love back, as well as the Savior who brought us all together to share in this momentous occasion. Let the gift of togetherness, laughter, love, and the joy of knowing Christ take the place of any gift you can find at a store.
Friday, December 6, 2013
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
The World Spins Madly On.
Yesterday, particularly yesterday, I sensed that God had
been actively teaching me a lesson. I didn’t hear Him at first but sensed that
there was something about that day that was going to be different.
I was spot on.
God showed me 3 particular things.
1)
Don’t underestimate the God you follow. Don’t
underestimate the good He can bring out of a bad situation. Don’t underestimate
His love and compassion. Don’t underestimate Him and what He is capable of,
what you know He is capable of.
Sometimes, most times, I feel I do just that. I really do
underestimate how much He cares for me and how involved He is in my life. I
underestimate how much He can use me in any situation. I underestimate my own
usefulness for the Gospel and the advancement of His kingdom. But when I really
stop to think about it I see clear evidence of His work in my life in so many
ways – often times unbeknownst to me. Lately I’ve been feeling as though I’m
understanding more of how God created me and the special gifts He’s equipped me
with. The more I tap into that, the closer to Him I begin to feel. And I
wouldn’t want it any other way.
The second lesson is:
2)
Don’t let the world make you hard. Every act of
kindness, everything you do out of love, it has eternal benefits. (Matthew 25:40 “Truly I tell
you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of
mine, you did for me.’) Do unto others as you would
have done unto you. (Psalms 18:35 - "Your gentleness made me great")
I was created by God. I was put on this earth to serve a
specific purpose. I am accountable to God, as well as those God has placed here
to help keep me accountable (because, in case you haven’t already observed, I’m
not perfect.) Sometimes the world will seep through, other people and their
opinions, the devil, whomever, and I’m left feeling like I’m doing everything
wrong and nothing right. But I know, and I feel in my heart and mind, that I am
doing something right. Maybe not everything, but I am doing some things right.
I’m not going to sit here and boast about my greatness or the things I’ve done
but what I’m getting at is that I know God is proud of me. I know God sees
things in my life that He considers good and He’s helping me work though that
which needs “pruning” – so to speak.
The third lesson is:
3)
Share your faith – whenever, wherever, however.
It might not be as “vocal” as you’d expect it to be, but there are things that
can be done, are being done, that set you apart. Take every opportunity to
share with others what God has been doing in your life, teaching you. Or
showing through action, because sometimes those speak louder than words.
Lately I’ve been sensing a particularly heavy lean towards tapping
into my prideful/selfish side. It pains me to announce this, but I feel it’s something
that needs to be said. I can be incredibly selfish with my time, finances,
efforts, ect. I live, at times, only to please myself and do what makes me
happy and keeps me comfortable. That’s never how God intended me to be and what
hurts the most is I know what I’m
capable of doing for Christ and for the Gospel. I think God’s really been after my heart in
this particular aspect of my life. I’m learning, though, that sharing my faith doesn’t
always have to be this huge spectacle – sometimes the little things are what
matter the most. There is a time and place for everything. The little things you
can do to impact someone’s day, or life.
I feel I’m always going to be a work-in-progress on these
issues at hand. The past is in the past, I do what I can with the present and
the opportunities God has given me, and there is all the potential in the world
for the future. The trick is to never stop trying, never stop loving, never
stop caring, never stop trying to make a difference here not only for those
around you but for the Gospel and for Christ.
I want to end with this bit of scripture, particularly the
intro to the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5) – which was something that came to
mind as I was typing this out. Plus it’s a really good and encouraging read! J
Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he
went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2 and
he began to teach them.
The
Beatitudes
He said:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and
falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12 Rejoice
and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they
persecuted the prophets who were before you.
Salt
and Light
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its
saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything,
except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.14 “You are the
light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither
do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its
stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In
the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good
deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
Let your light shine.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Tea for Two...and Two for Tea..
I'm calling this my tea-talk post because as I was coming up with said post I was drinking tea which, in my view, makes me feel sophisticated and scholarly. It's all about appearance, folks.
Plus tea just makes me happy and tastes really good. :-)
Let's talk about Trials (I say "lets" as if I'm speaking to a crowd.. When it's really, probably, only one person at the moment. Hey, how's it going? Thanks for reading.)
So...Trials.
They. Are. Hard.
And you know how God tells us that He'd never give us more than we can handle?
Well, I believe that. I do. But sometimes I'm going through something and I think to myself "WOW! God must think I can handle a lot because this. is. Hard."
The sad fact of it all is that I tend to lose sight of God when I go through trials and I have this feeling that sometimes He brings about said trials in my life so that I'll get closer to Him. It pains me that it isn't my default position, though, to run to Him.
Instead I try to fill this emptiness, this ache that won't go away, with things, people, and basically anything other than God. Hello, conviction.
What ends up happening, however, is that those things, those people, anything else you run to that isn't God is likely going to hurt you more than help you.
I experienced this tenfold recently. Talk about hit, after hit, after hit. Each one more painful than the last. My confidence, pride, everything was shaken and thrown for a loop. I call it the washer/dryer effect. Tossed around in different directions. Up, down, all around. Each new hit presented a new kind of pain. It truly felt like the Devil was out to get me and in a major way.
When the hardships continued to come I'd just suppress it all and try to move on from it but that's typically when something else would pop up. Whether it was in the form of losing a friend, or that one person deciding to abruptly step back and out of my life, unexpected bills due to unexpected circumstances, troubles at work, and other life complications. It felt like the Devil knew just where to strike me and that he did.
It was in those moments, however, where God would also counter and let me know I was still His. Friends came beside me to help pray with and for me during each hardship that came my way and others to encourage me in Christ and my walk with Him and other things/moments where God knew just how to talk to me and get to me. So with every difficult strike that came, the loving hand of God was not far behind.
Thank you, Jesus.
Lately it feels like the storm is passing and I feel as though I've come out on the other side far stronger than before. I'm extremely guarded where I once had no walls or barriers, I feel smarter, and I feel strengthened in my walk with the Lord. Through everything I learned that God is and should always be everything I need. Because in the snap of a finger everything I love and hold dear could be gone and if that's what I find my identity in then I may as well go with it.
I'd really rather not.
But guys.. What I learned most of all is that my identity needs to be in Christ. If it's not, then, man I'm in for a never-ending parade of pain and stupidity followed up with a whole lot of emptiness.
Yowza. No, thanks..
The way I see it, or am trying REALLY hard to see it, is simply this - so what if I'm not the girl you wanted, so what if I'm not current with todays fashion, so what if I do things/say things/am different than others?
God never called me to fit in with this world - so no wonder its so painful and hard when I try. Is it an easy task to resist the temptations of the world? Definitely. Not. And I'm going to fail miserably at this tomorrow about 100 times. But I'm working to become more mindful of it.
I'm trying really hard to love who and how God made me. Seeing that He values me, and cherishes me, He keeps all of His promises, and loves me.. even if you don't. And I need to learn to be okay with that.
Will trials still come? Yes. I sense one starting right now, actually. Trials are always going to be there, temptations will always arise. What matters is what we DO in, and with, said complications. They'll make or break you. (No, duh).
But for real - keep Christ ahead of you at all times and He will get you through that which He brought you to.
I'm still and probably will continue to learn this lesson and apply it to my life but the important thing is to never stop trying.
You guys. God is awesome. Can I just say that? I think He is so great. He is always taking care of me, providing for every possible need, - I still get emotional when I think about all that He's done for me. No one will ever compare :) God truly is all I need and want. All the time.
End of tea-talk. :)
(p.s. honey vanilla chamomile tea is seriously the bomb. Get it. Drink it. Love it.)
Apologies if this was, to you, all over the place. It made perfect sense to my very caffeinated and awake mind.
Plus tea just makes me happy and tastes really good. :-)
Let's talk about Trials (I say "lets" as if I'm speaking to a crowd.. When it's really, probably, only one person at the moment. Hey, how's it going? Thanks for reading.)
So...Trials.
They. Are. Hard.
And you know how God tells us that He'd never give us more than we can handle?
Well, I believe that. I do. But sometimes I'm going through something and I think to myself "WOW! God must think I can handle a lot because this. is. Hard."
The sad fact of it all is that I tend to lose sight of God when I go through trials and I have this feeling that sometimes He brings about said trials in my life so that I'll get closer to Him. It pains me that it isn't my default position, though, to run to Him.
Instead I try to fill this emptiness, this ache that won't go away, with things, people, and basically anything other than God. Hello, conviction.
What ends up happening, however, is that those things, those people, anything else you run to that isn't God is likely going to hurt you more than help you.
I experienced this tenfold recently. Talk about hit, after hit, after hit. Each one more painful than the last. My confidence, pride, everything was shaken and thrown for a loop. I call it the washer/dryer effect. Tossed around in different directions. Up, down, all around. Each new hit presented a new kind of pain. It truly felt like the Devil was out to get me and in a major way.
When the hardships continued to come I'd just suppress it all and try to move on from it but that's typically when something else would pop up. Whether it was in the form of losing a friend, or that one person deciding to abruptly step back and out of my life, unexpected bills due to unexpected circumstances, troubles at work, and other life complications. It felt like the Devil knew just where to strike me and that he did.
It was in those moments, however, where God would also counter and let me know I was still His. Friends came beside me to help pray with and for me during each hardship that came my way and others to encourage me in Christ and my walk with Him and other things/moments where God knew just how to talk to me and get to me. So with every difficult strike that came, the loving hand of God was not far behind.
Thank you, Jesus.
Lately it feels like the storm is passing and I feel as though I've come out on the other side far stronger than before. I'm extremely guarded where I once had no walls or barriers, I feel smarter, and I feel strengthened in my walk with the Lord. Through everything I learned that God is and should always be everything I need. Because in the snap of a finger everything I love and hold dear could be gone and if that's what I find my identity in then I may as well go with it.
I'd really rather not.
But guys.. What I learned most of all is that my identity needs to be in Christ. If it's not, then, man I'm in for a never-ending parade of pain and stupidity followed up with a whole lot of emptiness.
Yowza. No, thanks..
The way I see it, or am trying REALLY hard to see it, is simply this - so what if I'm not the girl you wanted, so what if I'm not current with todays fashion, so what if I do things/say things/am different than others?
God never called me to fit in with this world - so no wonder its so painful and hard when I try. Is it an easy task to resist the temptations of the world? Definitely. Not. And I'm going to fail miserably at this tomorrow about 100 times. But I'm working to become more mindful of it.
I'm trying really hard to love who and how God made me. Seeing that He values me, and cherishes me, He keeps all of His promises, and loves me.. even if you don't. And I need to learn to be okay with that.
Will trials still come? Yes. I sense one starting right now, actually. Trials are always going to be there, temptations will always arise. What matters is what we DO in, and with, said complications. They'll make or break you. (No, duh).
But for real - keep Christ ahead of you at all times and He will get you through that which He brought you to.
I'm still and probably will continue to learn this lesson and apply it to my life but the important thing is to never stop trying.
You guys. God is awesome. Can I just say that? I think He is so great. He is always taking care of me, providing for every possible need, - I still get emotional when I think about all that He's done for me. No one will ever compare :) God truly is all I need and want. All the time.
End of tea-talk. :)
(p.s. honey vanilla chamomile tea is seriously the bomb. Get it. Drink it. Love it.)
Apologies if this was, to you, all over the place. It made perfect sense to my very caffeinated and awake mind.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
You need only to be Still
Psalm 46:10:"Be still, and know that I am God”
Isiah 40:31: “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.”
Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still"
“I’ll be by your side
whenever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you.
My hands are holding you”
~ Tenth Avenue North ‘By Your Side’
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you.
My hands are holding you”
~ Tenth Avenue North ‘By Your Side’
I’ve felt particularly led to write something for those who are in need or going through
difficult times. The verses and song lyrics above are what came to mind as I was trying to get
my thoughts down on paper – then they became a big part of what I was writing
about.
Feeling it unnecessary to have a long drawn-out post I simply want to say that you are in my prayers, whoever you are/wherever you are. :)
"Strengthen me, oh Lord, with Your mighty hand
Because with everything that’s happened, strength fails me yet again
Let this pass and be far from me
Give me peace of mind in this time of need.
I feel deeply burdened and emotionally distraught
However it is then You whisper “Be still, and know that I am God.”
Though I am weak and cannot feel You around me now
You’ve faithfully shown You’ll always be close somehow
Father, help me to place my trust in You
For I know that no matter what You’ll see me through."
Feeling it unnecessary to have a long drawn-out post I simply want to say that you are in my prayers, whoever you are/wherever you are. :)
"Strengthen me, oh Lord, with Your mighty hand
Because with everything that’s happened, strength fails me yet again
Let this pass and be far from me
Give me peace of mind in this time of need.
I feel deeply burdened and emotionally distraught
However it is then You whisper “Be still, and know that I am God.”
Though I am weak and cannot feel You around me now
You’ve faithfully shown You’ll always be close somehow
Father, help me to place my trust in You
For I know that no matter what You’ll see me through."
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
It was just an Idea
To you She was an Idea.
Something not fully grasped or understood. Her purpose still undefined. she could be searched through and evaluated whenever your time allowed. By you she was picked up, put down, forgotten, and remembered at your convenience.
To you, She was an Idea.
Like any Idea She had promise. Something about her was enticing. she drew you in by her intrigue. A puzzle in your mind that needed solving. And you were a willing participant. The more you tried to define her, develop her, the more she began to take form. A form which, to you, was "acceptable". But along with the progression of her definition you also began to withdraw. She was no longer a challenge.
To you, She was just an Idea..
She took on full form. Unmistakable form. She was not a finished product. But by then all you had left in you was to recognize this completion, see that it was good because of your own work, and then you dropped her. She was forgotten. She was finished. In your opinion her potential had reached its final destination. But to her, with what little voice she had with you, there was so much left in her. All you had to do was look, be patient, and see. But you are now gone.
By you, She was treated just like an Idea.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
When Love Found Me
It was quiet there
Dark and Hollow
Remnants of Happiness
Left no trails to Follow
Motionless Insides
Difficult to bear
Till somewhere within
Your voice did I hear
Consuming and Familiar
Clear and Unmistakable
You asserted yourself
Strong, Kind, Reliable.
Glowing I became
For all to See
My Searching had ceased
When Love Found me
Dark and Hollow
Remnants of Happiness
Left no trails to Follow
Motionless Insides
Difficult to bear
Till somewhere within
Your voice did I hear
Consuming and Familiar
Clear and Unmistakable
You asserted yourself
Strong, Kind, Reliable.
Glowing I became
For all to See
My Searching had ceased
When Love Found me
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Buckets, Buckets, and More Buckets..
I'm back!
I wasn't really gone, I suppose, but I wasn't particularly struck by any of life's events in these past few weeks/months to feel inspired to conjure up a post about such things.
Until.
Last night.
Was in Texas visiting a dear friend and she informed me we would be going to this Saturday night worship service. I must admit that my first reaction to such news was nothing to be proud of. I was hesitant and went begrudgingly at first. When I got there, however, I felt something in me that said "prepare yourself - I'm about to do something great." I responded "Okay, God"
Worship starts.
Songs are good. Songs got better. Hello full on Jesus worship!
It was in that moment of complete and total worship for Christ that I felt this feeling inside me almost telling me "You let this become familiar to you.. You let this feeling, what you feel now, become something of the past - something you haven't willfully experienced in quite some time"
Conviction starts.
Worship stops.
Message begins.
Genesis. He's going to be speaking from Genesis, my critiquing mind wandered to. What good could possibly come from this, I asked myself.
God said - "Just wait.."
Pastor starts speaking. Its good. He produces many laughs with his clever witticisms. Then it got better. WAY better.
The pastor begins speaking, in detail, what becomes of us when we take our focus off of God being our main source of everything we could ever need (joy, self-worth, love, peace, ect).
He laid out the concept of us diving into 4 different "buckets" when we take our eyes off God. And this is also where God started poking at my heart and saying "This is for you"
1) We pull from the bucket of self. We become our own God, basically. And as the pastor said "We make TERRIBLE Gods." Yet we puff ourselves up and begin to find our worth in our own personal accomplishments. We think we're all that. Super important. Worthy of praise and worship for all we do. We look ahead and think "when I have this, when I look like this, when I am this - then and only then will I be happy". He said something to the effect of "If you're unhappy with yourself as you are RIGHT NOW then you are going to be equally as unhappy with yourself in the FUTURE." Woah! That is so true!
So I can kill myself at the gym trying to get that "hot body" but chances are when I reach that goal I'm still going to convince myself that more can be done. I can get that super nice car/truck I've always been wanting but once it's in my possession I am always going to want more. When I reach that goal I set FOR MYSELF, no matter what it is, once its reached I'm always going to want more. So basically -- you're setting yourself up to NEVER BE SATISFIED. What does satisfy? God.
*BOOM.
2) We pull from the bucket of other people. We begin to find our worth based on what other people say of us. Based on what other people can give to us. Based on how other people make us feel. Based on what THEY can do for US. We being to set up these expectations for people, very selfish ones, mind you, and then when those people don't deliver our world is shattered. So then we look to the next person, set up expectations for them, they fail, we're equally as shattered. It's a never ending cycle.
The pastor tied another point, that of finding your "soul-mate", to his marriage. He debunked the lie of "The one" when he said "I knew she was the one for me WHEN I MARRIED HER" There was no gut feeling, no sort of sign from above. He even said something like "I could have married someone else and still had a God glorifying marriage" Truth is there is no such thing as "The One." But we set ourselves up to find such a love like that that we nearly lose ourselves in the process. Not one person on this earth is going to make you nearly as WHOLE and COMPLETE as Christ does. Who satisfies such a need? God
3) We pull from the bucket of possessions. By this he meant we look for things, worldly possessions, money to fill the emptiness we feel. If I have more stuff, I'll be happier. If I have nicer things, I'll be happier. If I'm more important or higher up or whatever else to fill in those blanks, then surely I'll be happier.
Doesn't matter. You'll never be fully satisfied - you'll always need more.
He mentioned another one ("bucket") but regretfully my memory does not serve me well and I cannot seem to recall the final one.
Throughout that whole message, though, God revealed to me every thing and ever person I was putting in place of him. It was so gut wrenching and convicting and hurt like nothing else. Why? Because I let it happen.
I put so many things in the place of God and I did it because those "things" were the "right here, right now, in the flesh" things and that's what my heart was craving and that's what my heart found contentment in.
I set unreachable standards for those around me and just as was expected they let me down. Unintentionally, mind you, but we're only human and incapable of true perfection in both word and deed. People are going to let you down. People are going to hurt you. Fact of life, folks. But who won't do that? God.
Because, you see, God Is Love, He is gracious, He is kind, He is PERFECT in everything that He does. He is the only one who can give you any and everything you could ever dream of and sometimes, because He is as awesome as he is, he gives you things that far surpass any hope or dream you could have set for yourself. What He does for you will far surpass any goal you've set up for yourself. Any person you've put on that pedestal. Any worldly possession you're just dying to have.
He is the greatest thing you could ever put your time, money, and everything you are into. And He is worth it.
Another quick fact the pastor brought up is that God has no regrets. He will never regret saving you. He will never regret calling you his own. He will never regret anything he ever did, or does, for you.
That blew my mind.
As a mere human I am full of regrets and I have no doubts people have regretted things about me. But God? He will never regret anything in regards to you. In regards to me.
*KAPOW!
Mind continuously blown.
I'll end on this. Do I still have the desires and wants I walked in with that night at church? Sure do. I reckon such things will not cease to exist in my mind. However, were they put into perspective when held against the backdrop of Christ and who He is and what He is to me? You bet your bottom dollar it did!
Perspective. It's a lovely thing, is it not?
I wasn't really gone, I suppose, but I wasn't particularly struck by any of life's events in these past few weeks/months to feel inspired to conjure up a post about such things.
Until.
Last night.
Was in Texas visiting a dear friend and she informed me we would be going to this Saturday night worship service. I must admit that my first reaction to such news was nothing to be proud of. I was hesitant and went begrudgingly at first. When I got there, however, I felt something in me that said "prepare yourself - I'm about to do something great." I responded "Okay, God"
Worship starts.
Songs are good. Songs got better. Hello full on Jesus worship!
It was in that moment of complete and total worship for Christ that I felt this feeling inside me almost telling me "You let this become familiar to you.. You let this feeling, what you feel now, become something of the past - something you haven't willfully experienced in quite some time"
Conviction starts.
Worship stops.
Message begins.
Genesis. He's going to be speaking from Genesis, my critiquing mind wandered to. What good could possibly come from this, I asked myself.
God said - "Just wait.."
Pastor starts speaking. Its good. He produces many laughs with his clever witticisms. Then it got better. WAY better.
The pastor begins speaking, in detail, what becomes of us when we take our focus off of God being our main source of everything we could ever need (joy, self-worth, love, peace, ect).
He laid out the concept of us diving into 4 different "buckets" when we take our eyes off God. And this is also where God started poking at my heart and saying "This is for you"
1) We pull from the bucket of self. We become our own God, basically. And as the pastor said "We make TERRIBLE Gods." Yet we puff ourselves up and begin to find our worth in our own personal accomplishments. We think we're all that. Super important. Worthy of praise and worship for all we do. We look ahead and think "when I have this, when I look like this, when I am this - then and only then will I be happy". He said something to the effect of "If you're unhappy with yourself as you are RIGHT NOW then you are going to be equally as unhappy with yourself in the FUTURE." Woah! That is so true!
So I can kill myself at the gym trying to get that "hot body" but chances are when I reach that goal I'm still going to convince myself that more can be done. I can get that super nice car/truck I've always been wanting but once it's in my possession I am always going to want more. When I reach that goal I set FOR MYSELF, no matter what it is, once its reached I'm always going to want more. So basically -- you're setting yourself up to NEVER BE SATISFIED. What does satisfy? God.
*BOOM.
2) We pull from the bucket of other people. We begin to find our worth based on what other people say of us. Based on what other people can give to us. Based on how other people make us feel. Based on what THEY can do for US. We being to set up these expectations for people, very selfish ones, mind you, and then when those people don't deliver our world is shattered. So then we look to the next person, set up expectations for them, they fail, we're equally as shattered. It's a never ending cycle.
The pastor tied another point, that of finding your "soul-mate", to his marriage. He debunked the lie of "The one" when he said "I knew she was the one for me WHEN I MARRIED HER" There was no gut feeling, no sort of sign from above. He even said something like "I could have married someone else and still had a God glorifying marriage" Truth is there is no such thing as "The One." But we set ourselves up to find such a love like that that we nearly lose ourselves in the process. Not one person on this earth is going to make you nearly as WHOLE and COMPLETE as Christ does. Who satisfies such a need? God
3) We pull from the bucket of possessions. By this he meant we look for things, worldly possessions, money to fill the emptiness we feel. If I have more stuff, I'll be happier. If I have nicer things, I'll be happier. If I'm more important or higher up or whatever else to fill in those blanks, then surely I'll be happier.
Doesn't matter. You'll never be fully satisfied - you'll always need more.
He mentioned another one ("bucket") but regretfully my memory does not serve me well and I cannot seem to recall the final one.
Throughout that whole message, though, God revealed to me every thing and ever person I was putting in place of him. It was so gut wrenching and convicting and hurt like nothing else. Why? Because I let it happen.
I put so many things in the place of God and I did it because those "things" were the "right here, right now, in the flesh" things and that's what my heart was craving and that's what my heart found contentment in.
I set unreachable standards for those around me and just as was expected they let me down. Unintentionally, mind you, but we're only human and incapable of true perfection in both word and deed. People are going to let you down. People are going to hurt you. Fact of life, folks. But who won't do that? God.
Because, you see, God Is Love, He is gracious, He is kind, He is PERFECT in everything that He does. He is the only one who can give you any and everything you could ever dream of and sometimes, because He is as awesome as he is, he gives you things that far surpass any hope or dream you could have set for yourself. What He does for you will far surpass any goal you've set up for yourself. Any person you've put on that pedestal. Any worldly possession you're just dying to have.
He is the greatest thing you could ever put your time, money, and everything you are into. And He is worth it.
Another quick fact the pastor brought up is that God has no regrets. He will never regret saving you. He will never regret calling you his own. He will never regret anything he ever did, or does, for you.
That blew my mind.
As a mere human I am full of regrets and I have no doubts people have regretted things about me. But God? He will never regret anything in regards to you. In regards to me.
*KAPOW!
Mind continuously blown.
I'll end on this. Do I still have the desires and wants I walked in with that night at church? Sure do. I reckon such things will not cease to exist in my mind. However, were they put into perspective when held against the backdrop of Christ and who He is and what He is to me? You bet your bottom dollar it did!
Perspective. It's a lovely thing, is it not?
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Dropping some knowledge
A couple of weeks ago I went for a long walk with my dear friend Chloe. Along this walk we just started talking about Jesus and basically speaking truth to each other since we were both struggling with a few things at the time.
Upon arriving home, and I firmly believe this was a God-thing, Chloe and I decided to read through some scripture. We chose Isaiah and I don't think we could have picked a better book.
We didn't really have a specific verse in mind and instead just read through a couple chapters at a time and let the Lord do the rest of the work.
He did.
Particularly what caught my attention was Isaiah 53. Something about reading through this struck a nerve in me and my mind and heart followed shortly thereafter.
Starting in verse 2 -
He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a rood out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide faces he was despised and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought up peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.
And again in verse 7
He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth, he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth. By oppression and judgment he was taken away. And who can speak of his descendants? For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was stricken. He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death, though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth.
Woah! Talk about a mind-blowing experience after reading that. Enough to move me to tears. There isn't anything I'm going through right now that God hasn't gone through already. It was in that moment where everything just clicked and I felt immediate conviction for allowing myself to think I was struggling alone.
God knows. The God of the universe, powerful, mighty, and strong king - He knows the pain. He knows troubles. He knows exactly how it felt/feels. Not saying anything I'm going through comes close to what he had to endure on our behalf, but what I'm saying is that when it feels as though no one understands what's happening or that somehow you think you're the only one struggling with that 1 thing - think again. Because God knows and in his great love and mercy He always provides a way out of something.
Isaiah 43:4-5
"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you"
Chills. Mind blown. Thank you Jesus for loving and saving me.
Upon arriving home, and I firmly believe this was a God-thing, Chloe and I decided to read through some scripture. We chose Isaiah and I don't think we could have picked a better book.
We didn't really have a specific verse in mind and instead just read through a couple chapters at a time and let the Lord do the rest of the work.
He did.
Particularly what caught my attention was Isaiah 53. Something about reading through this struck a nerve in me and my mind and heart followed shortly thereafter.
Starting in verse 2 -
He grew up before him like a tender shoot, and like a rood out of dry ground. He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide faces he was despised and we esteemed him not.
Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought up peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.
And again in verse 7
He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth, he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth. By oppression and judgment he was taken away. And who can speak of his descendants? For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was stricken. He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death, though he had done no violence, nor was any deceit in his mouth.
Woah! Talk about a mind-blowing experience after reading that. Enough to move me to tears. There isn't anything I'm going through right now that God hasn't gone through already. It was in that moment where everything just clicked and I felt immediate conviction for allowing myself to think I was struggling alone.
God knows. The God of the universe, powerful, mighty, and strong king - He knows the pain. He knows troubles. He knows exactly how it felt/feels. Not saying anything I'm going through comes close to what he had to endure on our behalf, but what I'm saying is that when it feels as though no one understands what's happening or that somehow you think you're the only one struggling with that 1 thing - think again. Because God knows and in his great love and mercy He always provides a way out of something.
Isaiah 43:4-5
"Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you"
Chills. Mind blown. Thank you Jesus for loving and saving me.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
"I spoke to you in a hundred silent ways"
News Flash: Marriageable men no longer exist! (Or at least it sure seems that way...)
And I'm feeling like I'm the last to receive the memo...
Now a days, more than ever, it feels as though all men see are the appearances of a woman. Wish I had known sooner so I'd have stopped wasting time working on my character, morals, and values! ;)
But seriously! Where have they all gone? Did they flock (flee) to some remote island and are just sitting there having a grand 'ole time chillen completely ignorant of all that's around? Probably. Dang - that sounds nice right about now.
I'd love to just flee from this place and go somewhere where everything isn't so upside down. I feel like a right-side up girl walking around in an upside down world. Or maybe I'm the upside down person in a right-side up world. Who knows but I'm starting to get a headache from it all.
You know I don't have modeling agencies banging down my door begging me to come work for them because of my "stunning good looks", I'm not being cast as a lead in a movie because of my "face fit for the big-screens", and you certainly don't see this face on the cover of magazines with the title "winner of the hottest woman on earth" (only celebrities win that anyway...)
What do we simple non-celebrity people have like that? I'll tell you I'm not overly fond of learning about my unattractiveness or attractiveness from a by-stander who typically ends up being single, in his 40's, and desperate for some T.L.C. Nope. No thanks. Walking away now..
So, no, I don't count myself among the models. I'm not the girl who turns the heads of every guy I see. I don't have guys lined up at my door just dying for a chance to be with me (as if that really happens anyway. Join me in my hatred for Hollywood). I don't consider myself to be "hot" or dare I say "sexy" (just writing that made me cringe), I don't wear provocative clothing to gain attention (Um, gross), and I'm definitely not the "go-to" girl for hair or fashion tips ("Yes, I'm currently sporting what's known as the 'troll-doll' look. It's so in right now") - and yet it seems as though these are the standards I'm to live up to in order to be considered.. Ouch.
Can I just stick my head in the sand and wish it all away? Well, I could. But it wouldn't fix a thing. So here I sit examining who I am, what I am, how I am, and the like. More times than none I end up agreeing with myself that at best I meet the bar for "average". (*applause)
This is what it's come to, though, and I declare that it's gotten out of hand. I'm shattered when I'm looked over because someone who is, by the worlds standards, prettier than me comes into view. And I fear that's going to be the continued pattern for quite some time.
Therefore I ask - where have all the good guys gone? And where has chivalry gone? Believe it or not there are some people who still know and live out that word and it's meaning:
Chivalry: "the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms."
Where are the men who fear and love God and aren't ashamed to show it? Where are the men who would go far and beyond for a woman of good character and there was a mystery about her that was so captivating to them? Where is the man I prayed about all those younger years and even to this day? Sure I can go all Justin Bieber with "I just need somebody to love" - but that's getting a bit desperate, no? I just want someone to restore my faith in the male specie in its entirety!
(Note: I'm not hating on ALL men because I really know some amazing, strong, good Godly men. I was raised by one of them. :) Their existence alone gives me hope that there are some good ones still out there.)
Now perhaps I'm getting to carried away, I don't know. I'm quite passionate about this topic. And don't think I haven't viewed this particular topic through the lens of my faith, what I believe to be true, and the like. I still hold tightly to my relationship with Christ and haven't allowed such things to discourage me in my walk with Him. If anything it's been strengthened through this time. I'll assure you that the verse in 1 Peter 3 is very close to my heart these days - "But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. "
But I also cant ignore the fact that lately I've been feeling so much pressure to fit in and such an urgency to just be thought of as "cool" (for lack of a better word) by someone I deem to be attractive. I can just hear my conscience screaming: "Aim higher, Kait. Aim higher..." Because would any of those titles or compliments truly satisfy? No. Because it's always changing. Always. But what remains the same? The inner beauty of a person. Sure I can try to fit in on the outside and just ignore everything I've ever been taught about the value of someone's heart, character, morals, values, basically all that encompasses "self-worth" ect, but while I'm out there trying to fit in my insides are just exploding in disgust.
Maybe I'm not meant for marriage. Maybe it's best I refrain from even searching anymore because the results are disheartening. So people will go through life having no real commitment to anyone but instead just spend their lives enjoying themselves.
You all have fun with that. As far as I'm concerned "I've washed my hands of this weirdness."
And I'm feeling like I'm the last to receive the memo...
Now a days, more than ever, it feels as though all men see are the appearances of a woman. Wish I had known sooner so I'd have stopped wasting time working on my character, morals, and values! ;)
But seriously! Where have they all gone? Did they flock (flee) to some remote island and are just sitting there having a grand 'ole time chillen completely ignorant of all that's around? Probably. Dang - that sounds nice right about now.
I'd love to just flee from this place and go somewhere where everything isn't so upside down. I feel like a right-side up girl walking around in an upside down world. Or maybe I'm the upside down person in a right-side up world. Who knows but I'm starting to get a headache from it all.
You know I don't have modeling agencies banging down my door begging me to come work for them because of my "stunning good looks", I'm not being cast as a lead in a movie because of my "face fit for the big-screens", and you certainly don't see this face on the cover of magazines with the title "winner of the hottest woman on earth" (only celebrities win that anyway...)
What do we simple non-celebrity people have like that? I'll tell you I'm not overly fond of learning about my unattractiveness or attractiveness from a by-stander who typically ends up being single, in his 40's, and desperate for some T.L.C. Nope. No thanks. Walking away now..
So, no, I don't count myself among the models. I'm not the girl who turns the heads of every guy I see. I don't have guys lined up at my door just dying for a chance to be with me (as if that really happens anyway. Join me in my hatred for Hollywood). I don't consider myself to be "hot" or dare I say "sexy" (just writing that made me cringe), I don't wear provocative clothing to gain attention (Um, gross), and I'm definitely not the "go-to" girl for hair or fashion tips ("Yes, I'm currently sporting what's known as the 'troll-doll' look. It's so in right now") - and yet it seems as though these are the standards I'm to live up to in order to be considered.. Ouch.
Can I just stick my head in the sand and wish it all away? Well, I could. But it wouldn't fix a thing. So here I sit examining who I am, what I am, how I am, and the like. More times than none I end up agreeing with myself that at best I meet the bar for "average". (*applause)
This is what it's come to, though, and I declare that it's gotten out of hand. I'm shattered when I'm looked over because someone who is, by the worlds standards, prettier than me comes into view. And I fear that's going to be the continued pattern for quite some time.
Therefore I ask - where have all the good guys gone? And where has chivalry gone? Believe it or not there are some people who still know and live out that word and it's meaning:
Chivalry: "the sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms."
Where are the men who fear and love God and aren't ashamed to show it? Where are the men who would go far and beyond for a woman of good character and there was a mystery about her that was so captivating to them? Where is the man I prayed about all those younger years and even to this day? Sure I can go all Justin Bieber with "I just need somebody to love" - but that's getting a bit desperate, no? I just want someone to restore my faith in the male specie in its entirety!
(Note: I'm not hating on ALL men because I really know some amazing, strong, good Godly men. I was raised by one of them. :) Their existence alone gives me hope that there are some good ones still out there.)
Now perhaps I'm getting to carried away, I don't know. I'm quite passionate about this topic. And don't think I haven't viewed this particular topic through the lens of my faith, what I believe to be true, and the like. I still hold tightly to my relationship with Christ and haven't allowed such things to discourage me in my walk with Him. If anything it's been strengthened through this time. I'll assure you that the verse in 1 Peter 3 is very close to my heart these days - "But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. "
But I also cant ignore the fact that lately I've been feeling so much pressure to fit in and such an urgency to just be thought of as "cool" (for lack of a better word) by someone I deem to be attractive. I can just hear my conscience screaming: "Aim higher, Kait. Aim higher..." Because would any of those titles or compliments truly satisfy? No. Because it's always changing. Always. But what remains the same? The inner beauty of a person. Sure I can try to fit in on the outside and just ignore everything I've ever been taught about the value of someone's heart, character, morals, values, basically all that encompasses "self-worth" ect, but while I'm out there trying to fit in my insides are just exploding in disgust.
Maybe I'm not meant for marriage. Maybe it's best I refrain from even searching anymore because the results are disheartening. So people will go through life having no real commitment to anyone but instead just spend their lives enjoying themselves.
You all have fun with that. As far as I'm concerned "I've washed my hands of this weirdness."
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
"He was a boy, she was a girl - can I make it anymore obvious?"
I met Jennifer when I was born.
No I didn't.
I was just born. I knew nothing about anything.
But Jenn came first. And 15 long, agonizing, super lonely months later I came along. My folks can attest to these stated facts. I was the long-awaited ray of sunshine in their lives. They promised me not to tell, so as to avoid sibling rivalry. But there it is.
Back on track. Jenn and I, as you can already assume, grew up together. We wore matching outfits, because mom thought it would be cute. And you'd better believe it was!
It was us against everything and everyone. When Jenn got in trouble, I got in trouble just so I could join her (sometimes, other times it was fairly well deserved...). When I got in trouble, she'd agree that was the best decision mom or dad made. ;-) Just kidding.
We were each others best friend. Nothing was ever as fun as it was when we were together doing crazy things. Whether it was re-enacting backstreet boys songs, building forts with chairs and sheets, doing our school-work together, and SO much more.
We were a team. Partners in crime(s)
As time went on and we got older, the world of boys became more real to us. Suddenly the angelic voices of the backstreet boys and Nsync was a thing of the past because we started noticing how cute they were, too. ;-) When in highschool we became VERY observant of all the fella's in our class. Oh yes, those were good times indeed.
We had so many crushes and late night discussions about said crushes. Talked about how cute they were, how we'd get nervous when they were around, how we were pretty sure they didn't like us back (but we'd secretly hope they did).
It wasn't until Jenn left for college that things began to change. Some what for the better as well as for the worse. With Jenn gone I sort of had to find my own identity, step out on my own. Couldn't ride on the coat-tails of her forever, even though I found great comfort having her around and knowing that there wasn't anything I had to face alone because she'd always be there with me. But we made the best of it and sought to remain close even with the separation (and we did a pretty great job at it.)
But while at college, God did something kind of great. :)
Because that is where she met Jon. :)
Suddenly conversations begin to turn from every-day life, school, people she was meeting to this fella named Jon. At the time I remember thinking to myself "Well, he doesn't sound all that special - I'm sure this will pass and nothing will come from it"
Wrong!! :)
She'd share with me how much she liked him but didn't know if he liked her back. She'd say how she was nervous sometimes. Didn't want to mess anything up or scare him away (we Kreslins were pretty good at keeping the men at bay....unintentionally...).
Time went on, the stories continued, the relationship grew and before you knew it....
Oh Happy Day! One of Mark Kreslins' well guarded and protected daughters snagged herself a daddy approved man. :)
Wedding day came quicker than anticipated! Suddenly what felt like years of planning came down to a few short minutes and then it was over. They were thrilled.
They've been married now for 4!! Happy, joy-filled, years.
Jon, you couldn't have picked a better girl. She was/is my best friend and someone I'll always cherish and look-up to. She's looked out for me, been there for me, loved me unconditionally, and will always be my big sister. She will be a great Mom to your, now, son because there were times when she cared for and looked after me like a Mom. She will teach him the good, and sometimes hard, lessons, but do it in a loving way because that's what she did for me. I speak from some experience when I say she will love him deeply and look after them as she did not only for me, but the 2 brats we call Trent and Natalie. ;-) I know she loves you deeply and I can't imagine her being with anyone else but you. You truly are/were/will always be the man she dreamed about all those younger years.
Jenn, you couldn't have picked a better man. He is strong, like Dad. He is attentive, like Dad. He is so deeply caring, like Dad. He is a leader, like Dad. He will protect you, cherish you, guard you, like Dad always did/does. Mom taught you (us) well when she instructed that we find someone like Dad - because he's never given us reason to doubt his love for mom, his commitment to her, and his devotion to us as kids. He will be a good father to your son because of how he cares and is so involved in the lives of Trent and Natalie. I know he loves you deeply with a very unselfish love. I trust in the many years to come you two will remain, as you have been, in love and loving one another to the best of your ability.
I love you both. Happy Anniversary. Here is to many more down the road. :)
No I didn't.
I was just born. I knew nothing about anything.
But Jenn came first. And 15 long, agonizing, super lonely months later I came along. My folks can attest to these stated facts. I was the long-awaited ray of sunshine in their lives. They promised me not to tell, so as to avoid sibling rivalry. But there it is.
Back on track. Jenn and I, as you can already assume, grew up together. We wore matching outfits, because mom thought it would be cute. And you'd better believe it was!
It was us against everything and everyone. When Jenn got in trouble, I got in trouble just so I could join her (sometimes, other times it was fairly well deserved...). When I got in trouble, she'd agree that was the best decision mom or dad made. ;-) Just kidding.
We were each others best friend. Nothing was ever as fun as it was when we were together doing crazy things. Whether it was re-enacting backstreet boys songs, building forts with chairs and sheets, doing our school-work together, and SO much more.
We were a team. Partners in crime(s)
As time went on and we got older, the world of boys became more real to us. Suddenly the angelic voices of the backstreet boys and Nsync was a thing of the past because we started noticing how cute they were, too. ;-) When in highschool we became VERY observant of all the fella's in our class. Oh yes, those were good times indeed.
We had so many crushes and late night discussions about said crushes. Talked about how cute they were, how we'd get nervous when they were around, how we were pretty sure they didn't like us back (but we'd secretly hope they did).
It wasn't until Jenn left for college that things began to change. Some what for the better as well as for the worse. With Jenn gone I sort of had to find my own identity, step out on my own. Couldn't ride on the coat-tails of her forever, even though I found great comfort having her around and knowing that there wasn't anything I had to face alone because she'd always be there with me. But we made the best of it and sought to remain close even with the separation (and we did a pretty great job at it.)
But while at college, God did something kind of great. :)
Because that is where she met Jon. :)
Suddenly conversations begin to turn from every-day life, school, people she was meeting to this fella named Jon. At the time I remember thinking to myself "Well, he doesn't sound all that special - I'm sure this will pass and nothing will come from it"
Wrong!! :)
She'd share with me how much she liked him but didn't know if he liked her back. She'd say how she was nervous sometimes. Didn't want to mess anything up or scare him away (we Kreslins were pretty good at keeping the men at bay....unintentionally...).
Time went on, the stories continued, the relationship grew and before you knew it....
Oh Happy Day! One of Mark Kreslins' well guarded and protected daughters snagged herself a daddy approved man. :)
Wedding day came quicker than anticipated! Suddenly what felt like years of planning came down to a few short minutes and then it was over. They were thrilled.
They've been married now for 4!! Happy, joy-filled, years.
Jon, you couldn't have picked a better girl. She was/is my best friend and someone I'll always cherish and look-up to. She's looked out for me, been there for me, loved me unconditionally, and will always be my big sister. She will be a great Mom to your, now, son because there were times when she cared for and looked after me like a Mom. She will teach him the good, and sometimes hard, lessons, but do it in a loving way because that's what she did for me. I speak from some experience when I say she will love him deeply and look after them as she did not only for me, but the 2 brats we call Trent and Natalie. ;-) I know she loves you deeply and I can't imagine her being with anyone else but you. You truly are/were/will always be the man she dreamed about all those younger years.
Jenn, you couldn't have picked a better man. He is strong, like Dad. He is attentive, like Dad. He is so deeply caring, like Dad. He is a leader, like Dad. He will protect you, cherish you, guard you, like Dad always did/does. Mom taught you (us) well when she instructed that we find someone like Dad - because he's never given us reason to doubt his love for mom, his commitment to her, and his devotion to us as kids. He will be a good father to your son because of how he cares and is so involved in the lives of Trent and Natalie. I know he loves you deeply with a very unselfish love. I trust in the many years to come you two will remain, as you have been, in love and loving one another to the best of your ability.
I love you both. Happy Anniversary. Here is to many more down the road. :)
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Happiness throws a shower of sparks
Happiness.
Bottom line - its a choice. Just like love. Sometimes you have to choose to love someone even when they are giving you every reason to just stop loving them. Happiness is some what the same. You have to choose to be happy even when everything in your life tells you not to be. It's a choice. And it's your choice.
Therefore, if you're an unhappy person, 99% of you being miserable is because you choose to remain that way. Sometimes, you have to narrow it down, maybe even dumb it down, for yourself. Find happiness in the little things because if you only set your sights on the big things you're only going to be let down. Going through life happily is much easier than being miserable all the time.
Life is short, so love the ones you're with, enjoy the things you have, and never stop being thankful for where you are because it could be MUCH worse. I know that's a hokey and overused, but it's a true statement. Sure, I've had moments in my life where it's been really hard, times where I didn't think it could get much worse, and yes, I have reached points where I've thought about prematurely ending my life. But the second I got to that point I thought to myself - what's the point of doing that? Why end this life that's a gift from God just because I'm having a tough couple of days/months? Perspective.
So, take it from one who has tried to live this life as though everything is always going to be easy, happy, love-filled, and a dream come true. It's not always like that. There are going to be hard times but what makes the difference is what you do in the midst of those hard times. Because there are still beautiful things in this world that seems greatly filled with darkness and sin. There are still things that have yet to be seen, experienced, witnessed - things that go far beyond any expectation.
"The morning finds me here at heaven's door
A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God Himself is seated on
And I, I've been invited as a son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ..
Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations"
Never be afraid, or too stiff-necked, to realize your need for help. Your need for help. For rescue. God is with you always, and is always working in you, and around you. He is the best foundation to build upon - the strength that comes from God is unlike any other and it cannot be obtained from worldly things. It comes from Him, but only when we surrender ourselves to Him.
And don't take life so seriously that you forget to laugh or smile. :) Surround yourself with good people and enjoy the life you've been given! You never know how contagious your happiness can be - because happiness throws a shower of sparks, someone is bound to be touched by it.
Bottom line - its a choice. Just like love. Sometimes you have to choose to love someone even when they are giving you every reason to just stop loving them. Happiness is some what the same. You have to choose to be happy even when everything in your life tells you not to be. It's a choice. And it's your choice.
Therefore, if you're an unhappy person, 99% of you being miserable is because you choose to remain that way. Sometimes, you have to narrow it down, maybe even dumb it down, for yourself. Find happiness in the little things because if you only set your sights on the big things you're only going to be let down. Going through life happily is much easier than being miserable all the time.
Life is short, so love the ones you're with, enjoy the things you have, and never stop being thankful for where you are because it could be MUCH worse. I know that's a hokey and overused, but it's a true statement. Sure, I've had moments in my life where it's been really hard, times where I didn't think it could get much worse, and yes, I have reached points where I've thought about prematurely ending my life. But the second I got to that point I thought to myself - what's the point of doing that? Why end this life that's a gift from God just because I'm having a tough couple of days/months? Perspective.
So, take it from one who has tried to live this life as though everything is always going to be easy, happy, love-filled, and a dream come true. It's not always like that. There are going to be hard times but what makes the difference is what you do in the midst of those hard times. Because there are still beautiful things in this world that seems greatly filled with darkness and sin. There are still things that have yet to be seen, experienced, witnessed - things that go far beyond any expectation.
"The morning finds me here at heaven's door
A place I've been so many times before
Familiar thoughts and phrases start to flow
And carry me to places that I know so well
But dare I go where I don't understand
And do I dare remember where I am
I stand before the great eternal throne
The one that God Himself is seated on
And I, I've been invited as a son
Oh I, I've been invited to come and ..
Believe the unbelievable
Receive the inconceivable
And see beyond my wildest imagination
Lord, I come with great expectations"
Never be afraid, or too stiff-necked, to realize your need for help. Your need for help. For rescue. God is with you always, and is always working in you, and around you. He is the best foundation to build upon - the strength that comes from God is unlike any other and it cannot be obtained from worldly things. It comes from Him, but only when we surrender ourselves to Him.
And don't take life so seriously that you forget to laugh or smile. :) Surround yourself with good people and enjoy the life you've been given! You never know how contagious your happiness can be - because happiness throws a shower of sparks, someone is bound to be touched by it.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
He changed my life
"Deny myself? Are you serious? I love myself way too much to deny myself something just so someone else can be happy. What's the point? Why bother?
Most of the time people don't notice when I do something for them. Why should I do something for them if I'm not even going to be recognized for it? It's just easier to make myself happy and not care about anything or anyone else. People are ungrateful and selfish - so I'm just going to join in with them because it's easier"
This is a conversation that took place between me, myself, and I way back when. This is where my mind was. I was happy, I was content. All was well and my world was fine because it was all about me. I knew nothing of "sin", I never considered life outside of myself. Even though I grew up in a Christian home and was aware of the "christian lingo", I didn't truly understand what it meant to be "saved" or a "Christian" or to live what was considered to be a holy and God-honoring life.
It wasn't until that wonderful day, I believe it was back in 2006, the "unlike any other" day, did I realize what these once meaningless terms meant as they began to encompass my mind and transform my thinking.
God became so real to me that night, in a way He never had before. I came to realize that because of my "all about me" lifestyle that I was basically signing up for a 1-way ticket to Hell. Eternal separation from God. This scared me so greatly. I was so afraid of being separated from God forever and the only thing that was separating me from God was me. If I had randomly died that night there in 2006, God would have looked at me and said "depart from Me, I never knew you" and I would then be hell-bound. Forever separated from God. It gives me chills now just thinking about it.
I knew about Christs death on the cross and sort of what it meant but it didn't really affect me, I knew the Christian-lingo, and some verses in the Bible. I thought I was a "good person" because "well, at least I'm not doing ______." I learned quickly that that is NOT what being a Christian means, that's not what being "Born-Again" means.
After coming to terms with that I was then informed that Christ died for me and my sins (my selfishness, hatred, anger, laziness, ect). Laid upon Christs shoulders was the wrath of God, His holy and righteous wrath, for the sins of all man-kind. So not just MY sins (past-present-future), but the sins of the WORLD (past-present-future). Can you imagine that? But further more this wrath, the wrath of God, was intended for me. It should have been for ME. But instead Christ stood in my place so that I wouldn't have to suffer God's wrath. There is no way I could have earned this salvation on my own. My so-called "good deeds" would not get me into heaven. Christs death on the cross is the ONLY way anyone can get into heaven. Without that, we were all destined for hell. But God Loved us enough to say "no, I want them to spend eternity with me instead" so He sent Christ as a way to make that possible. Only through Him, and because of Him, can we truly be saved.
But eternity with Christ came only when I realized my need for Savior. It's not this "free-bee", meaning I "accept" Christ but continue living my worldly and selfish life, it means that God wanted something in return - He wanted me (my heart, my mind, my soul). At first this was a weird concept for me, but now it makes complete and total sense. There is/was SO much more to life than just living for myself and it finally hit me that night. So that night I laid down my life, I decided that I no longer wanted to live for myself, I decided that I didn't want to go to Hell by continuing my selfish life, I realized that I could never earn my own salvation but that I needed Christ, I needed to be rescued from my very own self. I needed to forfeit my heart, mind, soul, everything to God, and I wanted to. The more out of my hands those things were, the better off I'd be. I wanted Christ. He died for me, so I wanted to live for Him. So that night I gave my life to Christ. I said "goodbye" to my old life and started a new life with Him.
Suddenly it was like this fire erupted inside of me. Everything changed and I felt a change. Now my life had meaning, my life had purpose, and it wasn't all about me! God began to show me that it was far more beneficial to myself, and others, if I were to begin replacing pride with humility, selfishness with serving others, "would this make me happy" to "would this please God" and lots of other things! Talk about a transformation..
Now - Does this mean I'm perfect? Far from it. Am I going to fail sometimes? You bet and often. But no matter how many times I fail nothing will ever cause me to want to go back to the life I lived before I came to know Christ as my Savior.
Why? Because He saved my life. He CHANGED my life. And because He's worth it. :)
"Because of Christ:
I’m a Sinner saved by Grace
My sin, past-present-future, has been erased
I am accepted by Him in every possible way
I find comfort in His embrace
I learn to walk not by sight, but by faith
I know His unending love will never change
I trust His will for my life even when He gives and He takes
I have a firm foundation that is impossible to shake
And by His sacrifice, everyone can be saved"
My sin, past-present-future, has been erased
I am accepted by Him in every possible way
I find comfort in His embrace
I learn to walk not by sight, but by faith
I know His unending love will never change
I trust His will for my life even when He gives and He takes
I have a firm foundation that is impossible to shake
And by His sacrifice, everyone can be saved"
Ephesians 2:8, Romans
15:7, Psalms 9:9, 2 Corinthians 5:7, James 1:17, Job 1:21, Matthew 7:25-26, 1 Timothy
2:3-4, Isaiah 53:5,
Thursday, April 4, 2013
My 2AM rant
Fear is crippling.
World wide known fact.
It has many faces, too. Fear of man. Fear of failure. Fear of confrontation. Fear of ____. You fill in the blanks.
We are all afraid of something. Some of us too proud to admit it to ourselves and some of us are so lost in our fear that there doesn't seem to be a way out.
I'm afraid of rejection.
Nothing cripples me more than momentary acceptance only to be brutally transitioned to seemingly instant and immediate rejection.
Whether it has to do with my work environment or conversations had among friends, my living situation, family, what have you.
I'm seeing now, more than ever, the difference between what the WORLD expects and what GOD expects of me. I want so badly to be accepted, not rejected, by this world but it seems as though I must compromise what God thinks of me in order to gain acceptance from the world.
Worth it?
No.
A dear friend reminded me in conversation that the one thing, the ONE thing, I have to hold on to that no one can take from me, or change, is my faith.
No one can ever change the relationship I have with God. Nothing he, she, you, or anyone says can ever change who I am in God's sight. And it's with tear-filled eyes that I sit here no longer beating myself up, both mentally and physically, because I can't measure up to what you want me to be - and I'm ready to be done trying. Your opinion means nothing compared to God's
So where I once felt it necessary to try and make you happy, I see now that it is utterly useless because no matter what I do, what I say, what I wear, how I look, how I act - you'll never accept me as much a God does. And the best part of it is?
God. Doesn't. Care. About. Outward. Appearance.
He looks at my heart. He looks at the innermost parts of me and judges me based off that. So the parts of me that you fail to see because you're so concerned with everything that's on the outside - that's all that God sees.
No pressure.
The World says (friends, coworkers, strangers, family, ect)
"You are not pretty enough"
"You need to be skinnier"
"Want my acceptance? Look, act, speak, think, be, how I want you to"
"You are not good enough for me"
"You are wrong"
"You are worthless"
"I don't love you"
God says
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." - 1 Peter 3:3-4
"Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” - 1 Samuel 16:7
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:10
"Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:39
Point is - I'd much rather stand out and be loved by God only as opposed to basically killing myself just trying to fit in to your world but have nothing to show for it in the end.
And all of a sudden.. My grip on you became a little less tight..
~Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will"~
World wide known fact.
It has many faces, too. Fear of man. Fear of failure. Fear of confrontation. Fear of ____. You fill in the blanks.
We are all afraid of something. Some of us too proud to admit it to ourselves and some of us are so lost in our fear that there doesn't seem to be a way out.
I'm afraid of rejection.
Nothing cripples me more than momentary acceptance only to be brutally transitioned to seemingly instant and immediate rejection.
Whether it has to do with my work environment or conversations had among friends, my living situation, family, what have you.
I'm seeing now, more than ever, the difference between what the WORLD expects and what GOD expects of me. I want so badly to be accepted, not rejected, by this world but it seems as though I must compromise what God thinks of me in order to gain acceptance from the world.
Worth it?
No.
A dear friend reminded me in conversation that the one thing, the ONE thing, I have to hold on to that no one can take from me, or change, is my faith.
No one can ever change the relationship I have with God. Nothing he, she, you, or anyone says can ever change who I am in God's sight. And it's with tear-filled eyes that I sit here no longer beating myself up, both mentally and physically, because I can't measure up to what you want me to be - and I'm ready to be done trying. Your opinion means nothing compared to God's
So where I once felt it necessary to try and make you happy, I see now that it is utterly useless because no matter what I do, what I say, what I wear, how I look, how I act - you'll never accept me as much a God does. And the best part of it is?
God. Doesn't. Care. About. Outward. Appearance.
He looks at my heart. He looks at the innermost parts of me and judges me based off that. So the parts of me that you fail to see because you're so concerned with everything that's on the outside - that's all that God sees.
No pressure.
The World says (friends, coworkers, strangers, family, ect)
"You are not pretty enough"
"You need to be skinnier"
"Want my acceptance? Look, act, speak, think, be, how I want you to"
"You are not good enough for me"
"You are wrong"
"You are worthless"
"I don't love you"
God says
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." - 1 Peter 3:3-4
"Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” - 1 Samuel 16:7
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." - Proverbs 31:10
"Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:39
Point is - I'd much rather stand out and be loved by God only as opposed to basically killing myself just trying to fit in to your world but have nothing to show for it in the end.
And all of a sudden.. My grip on you became a little less tight..
~Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will"~